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beautiful words
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 i will be adding more as i find them . its so nice when you find  someone you have been looking for . your heart leaps out of your body and dont know what to do or say  . I found these words on craigslist they are not mine they just caught my eye .

this is for my hamburger guy u know who you are ,and you know who wrote this . you are in my heart awalys i never stoped careing i just lost you , i have found you again i wish i can tell you how that makes me feel im so happy i cant sleep i only think of you . and what ifs . i still love you i never stoped . i want to be with you feel you, love you,hold you , kiss you , things i cant tell you in a email . i so want to make love with you .  i miss you . i want to feel like i am loved . we had some good times and i do love cars , i made wrong turns in life . i love you i awalys have and i aways will . sometimes you have to let things go so they can follow there dreams , i wish i never let you go to follow your dreams . i will always love you .  i wish i can tell you but you are so far away . i do dream of you just holding me in your arms .

"And now I tell you openly,

you have my heart so don't hurt me.

You're what I couldn't find.

A totally amazing mind,

so understanding and so kind;

You're everything to me."

All those years that went by, who could imagine we would have re-connected with such ease? And in a space of a few months, who could have imagined how close a bond would form? Now, the years are slipping by again; you've went your own way and I, mine. Alas, I cannot dislodge you from my heart...frankly, I am not trying and you are in it too deeply. Every day that goes by, I wish I knew what you are doing, thinking, feeling, writing, singing, painting, contemplating, reading, studying, imagining...dreaming...  

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fevers of the missing   (disconnecting from assimilation)

 

 

Missing isn't the word, but it's the only one that comes remotely close when I think of you.

This is why...

You haunt my days, leaving me restless,

bad days, good days, rainy days, sunny days,

the constant is you.

You've smiled at me twice and I fell in love after just once.

No woman gets that close to me, ever. What's worse,

you didn't even try to, the cliche " .. it just happened..", happened.

I don't even see you anymore yet all I can do at work is literally try to

"feel" if you are there. This because everytime I see someone that

looks similar to you, I melt for a moment, and three heartbeats later

I am depressed, again, that it's not you.

The " idea " of you is what captivates me most. Explained as:

Seeing past you to see you. I see the outside and a lot of others

see your exterior, however there is something more that lies beneath.

An unseen passion, a beautiful soul that seems so apparent to some

and hidden so well to others.

Missing...you.

Fever is that which causes unrest in mind and body, and

in steady encroachment to the soul.

Its the flashes of you in memory that make a bad day good, a good day great,

and a reason to carry forth hoping.Hoping that maybe the next time I turn it will be you,

or maybe that you are looking for me, and hoping the latter, makes me shiver

to my core, and the last thing...

That you would rest these fevers, rest my dreams of your kisses in bringing

them to life, resting my cares for the world in your embrace, and bring me the

horizon of days where we are closer than the dreams allow.

These thoughts seem random, however please bear with me and, bear in mind that

these are the snapshots of a happiness my heart will not easily let go of. I could try

to articulate them in a more practical order, and easier to follow but they are symbolic of

how I am feeling toward you, and how infatuation that grows, follows no set order, and to quote

Alicia Keys: " You Don't Know My Name".

You create a nervousness, shyness, intrigue, wonder, desire, bashfulness, passion,

happiness, peacefulness, and an inner smile that could'nt be removed with a pipewrench!

Again, you did'nt even try to, and I don't think you are aware of it. I'm guessing, (atleast hoping),

I hid it well in my exterior, but if you ever knew what you inspired in me, and cornered me with it...

I'd be screwed!!! I want you to know but how do I tell you all the most beautiful things I want to tell you?

Its so easy to say it here and real life the complete obstacle.

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It is better to have loved than never at all???? really??? ...but wow! all that i know is that...love hurts! how is it that every single day after being so long over that apparently its not over. why cant i let that love feeling go? i am soooo the last person that anyone would want to meet right now. for real. prior to you i was never married and life wasnt so bad. no problems, lots of girlfriends and a decent life. apparently what i did not know was that i had no idea what love was. i "liked" girls and i broke up with them and they broke up with me. but 1 morning 1 day as i was living my life i saw 1 particular one that to this day all these years later i could remember what she was wearing and what she was doing. i was like a deer in headlights. stuck, curious but yet comfortable that i was going to know everything about her 1 day. that 1 day happened and everything that i thought i knew was real and what 1 person could feel... . .... .. . ... ......not even close!!! i think i fell in love with her in that split second moment. i didnt know how much or to what level but i could feel my blood flow, feel tingling in my ears, feel light headed and also feel completely infauated in the span of that 2 seconds seeing her. love truly does hurt, there are some days i wish i never saw her cause i would have never known what love really truly feels like. but at the same time i have never felt myself more on any level, friends, family, death and taxes...nothing ever more have ever hitted me so hard than seeing my 1!

as titanic as that seems i did lose her, wow that was even worse! there are no words to ever express that feeling, if there is anything on this earth that is comprabable or comparable maybe it would be like a 14 hour ride on a highway on a cloudy day that turns into night and knowing that you have forever to go.

all that i know is that as fast as you think you can run, you cant ever run that fast, its an uphill battle that you cannot possibly win. is there a replacement? NO!! there are distractions and there is a genuiness to be with someone but there is never ever more than 1, cause 1 is black and white, its simple and its neat. theres nothing or more. beyond numbers, theres no such thing as the 1 being so simple. i would have died for her, there is nothing i would not have ever done for her. she didnt see it like that.

love is we, love is us, love is letting the walls down, love is taking that chance, love is worth it all, love is sharing it all, love is crying, love is happy, love is innocent, love is sweet, love is what youve never felt before, love is a blanket, love is your shadow, love is innocent, love is knowing, love is confident, love is kind, love does not ever threat, love is not ever jealous, love is always known, love was there before love knew, love is goin out of the way, love is knowing that sometimes a hug is all you need, love is a starry eyed, love is speechless, love is not being yourself, love is blushing, love is forgetting how bad your day was, love is a blockbuster nite, love is sharing dessert, love is loving her without saying a word, love is a million other things that it would take the rest of my life to tell her, love is infinite!!!

i have have travelled so much and i have met famous people, i have seen alot! at the same time seeing all that was just seeing, i have been fortunate enough to have been hit by a mack truck cause i have loved!!! its an incredible feeling and i would not have traded love for anything ever in the world! and wow love hurts! soooooo bad!!!!!

i truly do wish you mama all the best in the world cause you are a good person, you are truly special and despite it all i would have never traded my life how it is right now cause i would re-live everything with you even knowing if i knew what our outcome would be. 50/50, mama, that simple. we let everyone else decide for us.

but true love is knowing to let go.

so since i have not seen you in so long, just know that i never and could not ever hate you. i will be your biggest silent fan wishing you all the best in your life and hoping you are happy, cause you totally should be. do i was wish it was with me still??? of course!!!! LOL!!!!! getting greedy, your not with the right guy mama!!!! LMAO!!

but seriously cause this is turning into a book right now and you can see that i am being sponsored right now and you cannot lie when you have a sponsor and i am veering off, i wish you the best!! why am i writing this right now?? so long after? so late???? cause you are still thought of highly day after day and cause i have heard some stuff from someone very older than i on a completely encounter, cause still all this time later, i don't need to defend against anyone, but i think this confession was long overdue. ok, i could still go on and on but thats enough cause this is really long.

ok since i just wrote a freakin book, know this i still love you, i always have and still always will!!! i never needed anything from you, all i ever wanted was you. i love you! i always have and i still do and i always will!!